It's hard to stay positive and motivated to reach your success and potential when your partner, or rather, the person who should be by your side through it all isn't there for you.
It may feel like you're alone and you might often find yourself why even be on this journey if no one's coming with you.
However, it's not easy to figure out if you're just being dramatic or if there's some truth to your thoughts. So I compiled a list of 10 signs your partner is holding you back. Although, before we continue, I want you to know that this is not a comprehensive list, there are many other things your partner might be doing that I don't mention, but hopefully, this will provide a guideline as to how to search for these signs.
1. Your partner doesn't do their part
A relationship should be mutual. But too often one partner gives the other too much slack and they take advantage of it and end up taking the whole arm. It's not selfish or toxic to draw the line.
When you feel this way stand your ground! I'm won't sugar coat it, it might suck. It might kill you inside. But what will hurt you the most is being stepped over. No matter who you are, being taken advantage of, and doing more than what you signed up for is a huge detriment to your mental health.
2. Ignores when you're down
A relationship, a partnership, is a two-person endeavor. When you're happy they should be happy too, and when you hurt they should share the pain. If anything, it shows that they care.
But if they don't acknowledge your emotions, especially when they're bad, well, they may not have your best interest in mind.
3. Thinks they're always right
Only God knows everything, people, instead, are flawed and we make mistakes. Being able to admit to those mistakes is a sign of humility and care for the other person. If your partner can't accept their flaws they are inevitably saying that the only person bringing flaws into the relationship is you. This is extremely toxic.
At this point, communication crumbles because there is no exchange of ideas, only a one-way stream. This is not what a mutual relationship is, rather, this is what an owner-pet relationship looks like. You are not a follower, you are a person.
4. Doesn't let you do what makes you happy
You must be able to achieve your goals, take time for yourself, do what makes you happy. If someone who claims to love you doesn't let you do these basic things as a person then their claim must be false. The only exception is if what you want to do is detrimental to yourself.
Why would someone not let you do what makes you happy? The only reason is that they have a specific picture of you and they are doing their best to make you fit that box. Well, that person your partner wants you to be is not you. They can accept that or leave.
5. Wants all the attention
There is nothing more toxic than someone who doesn't let you have friends. Nothing worse than someone who gets jealous of everyone. You should give attention to your partner, no doubt, but you cannot give them all the attention. That will consume you.
I've seen many relationships with that type of person, where people are not allowed to have friends of the opposite gender. None of them last, and neither will yours.
6. Makes you question if they're right for you
Simple, if you remember the last two times you questioned whether they were right for you and both were relatively recent, pursue the question. Why are you questioning this, what makes you feel this way? Maybe it is something you're doing wrong, but maybe... Maybe not.
7. Keeps secrets
Don't get me wrong, not everything needs to be shared. But you know where the boundaries are. There are things that you must know for trust to continue existing in your relationship. If you come to find information that you know should've been relayed to you then what other information is being hidden? Trust and communication completely break down at this point. Perhaps you might find yourself starting to keep secrets too.
8. Lies to you
Keeping secrets is bad, but lying is worse. Lying is when there's something so great being hidden from you that not telling you just isn't enough, something else has to be put in its place to further prevent you from questioning.
While somethings are okay not being said, nothing is okay to be lied about in a relationship.
9. All their friends are actually your friends
It's great to have mutual friendships, even if all your friends are mutual, but if your friends are the only friends your partner has why is that? If the reason makes sense to you, like they left a toxic friend group, that's completely fine. But if they can't seem to make any friends themselves why is that?
If no one chooses your partner to be their friend, is there another face they aren't showing you that is driving these people away? What if your partner shows this face to your own friends? I know this sounds extremely paranoid, but in today's' super interconnected world it seems very fishy to not find people who accept you.
10. You have to apologize for their behavior
Your partner isn't a child. They shouldn't throw tantrums. You shouldn't have to apologize for their behavior. If they can't control themselves there's a problem. As with every other point on here, you can try working it out with them, but if any of these are big problems it's time to question whether they are right for you. So it is with this point.
If you are embarrassed to leave the house with your partner, should you leave at all? Are they holding you back?
Bonus: They shift the blame
No one is perfect, not even your partner. If your partner doesn't realize they can be wrong, the same consequences as point #3 are true. But if they shift the blame to you it increases them tenfold. They aren't implying you're the source of the flaws, they are explicitly saying it now. To degrade you to the source of the problems is incredibly toxic and the complete opposite of love.
. . .
Your partner is supposed to be the one coming with you on your journey. If they aren't how can you be sure that they care about you? But if they're actively holding you back, what makes you stay? None of these points above are definitive "if they do this you should leave them" points, if you wish you can find solutions to all of these. But if you're already working on yourself, you really must ask if taking on another huge effort is worth the strain. Unless they are the love of your life, the answer is most probably going to be a solid no. It's not you or them, it's how much you can handle on your shoulders.
Hi, I'm Matthew, my mission is to spread knowledge about motivation, productivity, and enabling people to achieve the best that they can be! I have a vast background in psychology and a passion for self-improvement. I literally can't remember a time when I didn't have a psychology book in my hands. On top of that, I've traveled around the world from a very young age, and seen many different courses of life, forming friendships with highly successful people, as well as people who are willing to do anything to make ends meet. My own life took me down a roller coaster of highs and lows, and I'm forever grateful that I've been able to overcome everything it threw at me. Now I want to take the opportunity to give back, and help others learn tools and methods for becoming who they were born to be!